Party Over Here

Several good tips on bathroom design here that make it fun and whimsical for kids and adults of all ages.  You can really put these into practice in your bathroom to have the whole neighborhood coming over to your house to spent some quality time.

Instead of just installing boring corporate lighting, make it fun by adding some dragon wings made from some old asbestos ceiling tiles.  You can also leave a large hole in the ceiling above the light hoping that a silly mouse might come and visit.  Perhaps a leak will trickle down over the light and make a great electric waterfall! 

Don't forget to empty your vacuum cleaner onto the air grate.  This will make it really seem like an old castle for the kids to explore and catch disease.

How needs monkey bars when you can just as easily run your electrical on the outside of the wall?  What's behind the mysterious plate at the end?  Leave a screw driver near by and see if someone is brave enough to open it up and root around for a prize. 

 You don't want your castle theme to be interrupted by modern instruments so cover at least half of your paper towel holder with bronze paint.  All other painting should be random and it should definitely run onto the door frame and anything else would normally not get painted.   After you finish painting you may want to break the soap dispenser off the wall leaving its outline.  This will add some mystery and can be used in a scavenger hunt later.

You want to be a great host and everyone knows that a great host provides food and refreshments.  We will be spending quite a lot of time in here so it makes sense to work the food into the theme.  Use some chocolate pudding and Frito crumbles to provide a buffet right behind the toilet.  It will be the last place your guests look and you wont believe their surprise.

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Red and White and Dirty All Over

This instillation is the so on the cutting edge that you have never even heard of it.  It grew from the Take A Penny, Leave A Penny bowl at the register of most convenience stores.  This genius adapted it to work with screws and dirty soap dispensers.  They have really gotten ball rolling by leaving a extra screw in the jagged dangerous holes left from the previous dispenser.  Wont you pay if forward by taking a screw and doing a terrible repair job for yourself.

From the claw marks we can see that something evil and probably deadly lives in this vent.  It's the only good explanation.  There is an alternate, stupider explanation that involves somebody removing the grate to see why there is a leak.  Closing it back up leaving the stain and the filth remaining.  Not bothering to clean up in any way.  Surely, for the sake of future generations its just a bathroom dwelling heater demon.

Surprisingly, the only inch of clean area in this bathroom is the cleaning schedule.  Its bright and clean as the day if was probably super glued to that dirty door.

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I Just Heard My Song on Bathroom Radio!

One day you are finally going to hit that big payday on a scratch-off while stopping at the local gas station to check out the bathroom.  When you do, you are probably gonna want to trick out your home bathroom with a kick butt audio entertainment system like the one above.

How many times have you been on in the bathroom wasting time when you could be catching up on current events, popular music that the kids are into, or your favorite radio plays?  Now you can hear them in all their crackly, 50's school PA system, mono-sound glory!  The best part is that its piped directly into your ear while you are on the toilet.  You also get the added benefit of no audio controls to adjust the sound so its always good and loud.

If you really want to spring for the big bucks you can also add the single led in the corner, but everybody would understand if you didn't want to blow your whole jackpot.  You may regret it later when you are just staring at plain old speaker without that high tech bling.

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A Bathroom Master in Pieces - Part 3 of 3

This bathroom has so much going on that I need to break it down like a used cardboard box (this reference will be hilarious in just a little bit - ;) wink, wink)

This is the third and final picture is this amazing bathroom.  It is the last, but definitely not the least jacked up.

Most amateurs might finish off one urinal and leave a working one for those brave enough to drop trough, but that is for quitters.  They clearly ran out of any sensible materials to block off a broken toilet, such as cardboard.  They didn't quit though and that's what really stands out. 

They picked themselves up off the dirtiest floor in the world, attempted to wipe the dirt of their pants but realized it was hopeless, and raided the trash cans outside a working government building.  They stood to incur large fines and possibly jail sentences but it didn't stop them from using official government documents and the trash bag they came in to get the job done.

I do wonder what kind of amateur came in after the fact and put up an "Out of Order" sign, though.  This cannot be the work of the same people.  The original artists must have moved on to dirtier pastures.  This is truly akin to tagging the Mona Lisa and I hope someone with some sense will remove it as soon as possible.

I hope the next time you are in a bathroom not peeing on your hard earned tax dollars you will remember this and remember those who probably died of a lung parasite shortly after being here.

Note:  Am I the only one guessing that, at some point, someone has tried to pee in that little gap between the plastic bag and the urinal?

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A Bathroom Master in Pieces - Part 2 of 3

This bathroom has so much going on that I need to break it down like a used cardboard box (this reference will be hilarious in just a little bit - ;) wink, wink)

If you are making your own jacked up bathroom you will definitely want to take some tips from the guys.  Most people would never have the kind of budget and Hollywood special effects team it would take to recreate this, but we can all shoot for the stars.

Even these pros know that sometimes they don't get it right the first time.  If you stick something up on the wall and its not right, then it can be fixed.  Just leave it there for 8-9 years until the glue has turned orangeish-yellow and then grab your hammer and beat it off the wall.  The resulting marks will serve as a guide for you to not be so stupid next time and add a touch of history.

You may also want to put a sink in your bathroom but don't want to pay the double digit prices down at the home improvement store.  The good news is that you don't have too pay anything.  Take the top of a crate ,used to ship illegal wild animals, and four legs you broke of a table someone left on the sidewalk for garbage pick up.  You will then need to take some bolts and drive them straight through the top into the leg.  No need to worry about the water that might go through the hole or how crappy it looks.  Dirt and mold will eventually fill the gap and it will be watertight and ready to hold all kinds of disease.

If you are not ready to reveal the final touches on your bathroom then go around the downtown area until you find a really dirty box, probably used by a homeless person.  Take that box and very, very loosely duct tape it to the wall.

PRO TIP:  Be sure to not remove any shipping information on the box.  This may help you find your way home after your infection boils important parts of your brain.

(read on for part 3)

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It Aint Easy Being Green

This bathroom ensemble was obviously put together by someone who knew what they were doing.  It has everything a nice bathroom of this caliber should have in it. 

The first thing I noticed is the grimy mop bucket.  This lets you know that the floor was cleaned, at least once, at some point. 

In the same vein is the blue toilet cleaner and scrub brush.  They are put right out in front to assure you that either someone at least squirted it on the brush to look like they cleaned it or it got below freezing in this bathroom and the bottle burst.  They even splashed a little on the wall to make sure it catches your eye!  Brilliant!

The cute frog statue relaxing by the 80's air freshener is final touch.  You know you are in for a good time when a frog is willing to sit back and kick off his shoes.....

 

THAT FROG HAS NO FEET!

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8th Wonder of the World?

 

Sometimes you are so proud of something that you have to show it to everybody.  That's the case with this pipe.  They have clearly put an effort into having the single dirtiest pipe known to man and they want it on display for the world to see.  Most people would have hidden such a pipe inside a wall, or behind a bucket, or maybe even cleaned it.  Not these guys.  They have pride.  We could learn a little something about self worth and personal responsibility from them.

They take such good care of it that they even made a small in-wall safe right beside it to keep their supplies for this miracle.  I don't know for certain but I assume that it contains everything somebody would need to make this wonder.

Imagined contents of wonder locker:

1. squirt bottle and sponges - moisture must be ensured at all times
2.  floor scrapings - if any part of the original pipe shows through the grime it must be patches immediately
3. absolutely no cleaning supplies of any kind - no explanation needed

If the above list is not true then I can only imagine what lies behind that locked door.  If its better than whats on the outside and is good enough to hide away then we can only hope one day those blessed keepers of the filth will bestow it on a grateful world.

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Gold and Mold

 

This bathroom just goes to show that focusing on the little things really makes a difference.  Look at how nice the imitation gold and crystal faucet looks especially when it picks up the reflection of the stink ring around the dirty plunger.

The second and most ingenious installation here is the mirror/shelf/air freshener holder/mysterious box combo.  This is truly an innovation that most people would not have had the guts to install.  It makes you wonder what kind of treats lie inside this useful box.  Is it treasure?  Is it a portal to another world? Is it easy access to pull out dead animals that get stuck in the wall?  Or is does it contain video equipment to tape you while you pee?  

That's what makes it great, and is sure to keep the patrons coming back for more.

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