Jamie Grab Your Hammer - A Cautionary Smell

There is a good lesson to be learned about only using the bare minimum to get the job done.  It doesn't have to be completely done, but at least done for the 24 to 36 hours before it falls apart again.  

Take a look at the sink above.  See how they carefully applied a seal to the sink but either didn't apply any kind of adhesive or it was applied so long ago the guy who applied it has passed from an unfortunate addiction to huffing bathroom adhesive.  That might not be too long of a time period though, as he really, really loves huffing glue.

Fortunately, after the funeral, the new handyman or handy capable man came along and decided it was really time to get this sink situation straightened out.  In the process he discovered the wonders of the Home Depot caulking aisle and did major damage to his brain.  The fix below is a sure sign of that.  He took the board out of his couch that kept you from hitting the floor when you sat down too hard and sured up.  Finally fixing that sink for good.  He died shortly after from an infected splinter.

Whoever came next was determined to make a difference and really wanted to shake things up a little.  He started by actually putting a trash bag in the trash can.  He didn't bother to clean the can itself or anything around it but the bag was installed and will probably remain forever.  He also removed the bolts holding the toilet to the floor after he fell on one while huffing glue and injured his right eye.  He didn't want the same thing to happen to any kids.  He was "fine with them huffing glue once they was old enough, like 15, but them bolts could be dangerous".  He succumbed to his eye injury and brain damage before this safety measure could be fully tested.

The next in a long line of counter clerks/huffers/handymen only got as far as using his hammer to pound out a perfectly square dent into the non-working hand dryer.  This may not seem like a big deal but the hammer head was round and the square was very square.  It thoroughly impressed everyone who has seen it since.  He did not die but did retire after 24 years of working on this art piece.  He then died.

His name was Jamie.  He liked to mix it up sometimes.  He was a hell of a hammersmith.

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I Just Heard My Song on Bathroom Radio!

One day you are finally going to hit that big payday on a scratch-off while stopping at the local gas station to check out the bathroom.  When you do, you are probably gonna want to trick out your home bathroom with a kick butt audio entertainment system like the one above.

How many times have you been on in the bathroom wasting time when you could be catching up on current events, popular music that the kids are into, or your favorite radio plays?  Now you can hear them in all their crackly, 50's school PA system, mono-sound glory!  The best part is that its piped directly into your ear while you are on the toilet.  You also get the added benefit of no audio controls to adjust the sound so its always good and loud.

If you really want to spring for the big bucks you can also add the single led in the corner, but everybody would understand if you didn't want to blow your whole jackpot.  You may regret it later when you are just staring at plain old speaker without that high tech bling.

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It Aint Easy Being Green

This bathroom ensemble was obviously put together by someone who knew what they were doing.  It has everything a nice bathroom of this caliber should have in it. 

The first thing I noticed is the grimy mop bucket.  This lets you know that the floor was cleaned, at least once, at some point. 

In the same vein is the blue toilet cleaner and scrub brush.  They are put right out in front to assure you that either someone at least squirted it on the brush to look like they cleaned it or it got below freezing in this bathroom and the bottle burst.  They even splashed a little on the wall to make sure it catches your eye!  Brilliant!

The cute frog statue relaxing by the 80's air freshener is final touch.  You know you are in for a good time when a frog is willing to sit back and kick off his shoes.....

 

THAT FROG HAS NO FEET!

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Bathroom or Tropical Paradise? You Decide.

Some people just see a bathroom as a place to do your business and get the heck out as fast as you can.  Some people see it as a chance to build an breathtaking oasis with a resort-like feel.  This pictures show one of those attempts. 

See how the new and used toilet paper is strewn on the floor like seashells on a dirty bathroom floor colored beach?  Did you notice how the filthy brush and grimy brown ring around the toilet look eerily similar to a young boys fishing pole dangling in a tidal pool?  How about the subtle yellow tint of the water in the bowl exactly matching a late summer sunset? 

You may have not noticed those little details but I know you didn't miss the piece that ties it all together.  What a beautiful photo of a schooner at sail on the sea.  The owner must have known that they had a one-of-a-kind piece of art, because they left it in the plastic like an good collector would.  They even took the time to bend it in just the right places, so that it catches the light perfectly.  

If you look closely you can see they even added fake sea spray for that final touch of authenticity!

Gold and Mold

 

This bathroom just goes to show that focusing on the little things really makes a difference.  Look at how nice the imitation gold and crystal faucet looks especially when it picks up the reflection of the stink ring around the dirty plunger.

The second and most ingenious installation here is the mirror/shelf/air freshener holder/mysterious box combo.  This is truly an innovation that most people would not have had the guts to install.  It makes you wonder what kind of treats lie inside this useful box.  Is it treasure?  Is it a portal to another world? Is it easy access to pull out dead animals that get stuck in the wall?  Or is does it contain video equipment to tape you while you pee?  

That's what makes it great, and is sure to keep the patrons coming back for more.

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The 2 C's of Customer Satisfaction - QUICK TIP

QUICK TIP:

Customers only care about 2 things:  crochet and condoms.

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Bathroom Maintenance 101

 Lots of good tips here on how to maintain and spruce up your bathroom.

Tip #1 - If something doesn't work then rip or kick it off the wall and hot glue a new (or heavily used) one back up.  Don't worry about the holes or missing wall paper.  Customers love the mystery of guessing what kind of bugs might be living in those little holes.

Tip #2 - If beavers, rats, roaches, or bats chew holes in the wall its an easy fix.  All you need is some old plywood that has been laying in the rain or even a piece of an old cooler where you keep your fish guts.  Screw it to the wall with rustiest screws you can find.  Everyone is going to love the risk of possibly having to get a tetanus shot and the ongoing threat of a mutant beaver roach attack mounting behind that loose piece of wood.  It makes a quick bathroom run into something exciting and dangerous!

Tip #3 - No place to store your cleaning utensil?  Grab a bottle of bleach or an old gas can previously used for huffing.  Carefully cut a hole leaving the handle for portability.  Breath a sigh of relief knowing that everything is in its place and looks great!

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