A Bathroom Master in Pieces - Part 3 of 3

This bathroom has so much going on that I need to break it down like a used cardboard box (this reference will be hilarious in just a little bit - ;) wink, wink)

This is the third and final picture is this amazing bathroom.  It is the last, but definitely not the least jacked up.

Most amateurs might finish off one urinal and leave a working one for those brave enough to drop trough, but that is for quitters.  They clearly ran out of any sensible materials to block off a broken toilet, such as cardboard.  They didn't quit though and that's what really stands out. 

They picked themselves up off the dirtiest floor in the world, attempted to wipe the dirt of their pants but realized it was hopeless, and raided the trash cans outside a working government building.  They stood to incur large fines and possibly jail sentences but it didn't stop them from using official government documents and the trash bag they came in to get the job done.

I do wonder what kind of amateur came in after the fact and put up an "Out of Order" sign, though.  This cannot be the work of the same people.  The original artists must have moved on to dirtier pastures.  This is truly akin to tagging the Mona Lisa and I hope someone with some sense will remove it as soon as possible.

I hope the next time you are in a bathroom not peeing on your hard earned tax dollars you will remember this and remember those who probably died of a lung parasite shortly after being here.

Note:  Am I the only one guessing that, at some point, someone has tried to pee in that little gap between the plastic bag and the urinal?

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A Bathroom Master in Pieces - Part 2 of 3

This bathroom has so much going on that I need to break it down like a used cardboard box (this reference will be hilarious in just a little bit - ;) wink, wink)

If you are making your own jacked up bathroom you will definitely want to take some tips from the guys.  Most people would never have the kind of budget and Hollywood special effects team it would take to recreate this, but we can all shoot for the stars.

Even these pros know that sometimes they don't get it right the first time.  If you stick something up on the wall and its not right, then it can be fixed.  Just leave it there for 8-9 years until the glue has turned orangeish-yellow and then grab your hammer and beat it off the wall.  The resulting marks will serve as a guide for you to not be so stupid next time and add a touch of history.

You may also want to put a sink in your bathroom but don't want to pay the double digit prices down at the home improvement store.  The good news is that you don't have too pay anything.  Take the top of a crate ,used to ship illegal wild animals, and four legs you broke of a table someone left on the sidewalk for garbage pick up.  You will then need to take some bolts and drive them straight through the top into the leg.  No need to worry about the water that might go through the hole or how crappy it looks.  Dirt and mold will eventually fill the gap and it will be watertight and ready to hold all kinds of disease.

If you are not ready to reveal the final touches on your bathroom then go around the downtown area until you find a really dirty box, probably used by a homeless person.  Take that box and very, very loosely duct tape it to the wall.

PRO TIP:  Be sure to not remove any shipping information on the box.  This may help you find your way home after your infection boils important parts of your brain.

(read on for part 3)

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A Bathroom Master in Pieces - Part 1 of 3

This bathroom has so much going on that I need to break it down like a used cardboard box (this reference will be hilarious in just a little bit - ;) wink, wink)

Check out this awesome fall color scheme for the commode area!  They really went all out with the details on this one.  The first thing that catches this guy's eye is the vintage 70's linoleum with a black border.  Did somebody have a good eye for color or is this just symmetrical mold?  The good ones never tell.  

They've also hand brushed each edge of the toilet seat to really bring out the highlights.  The rest of the seat wouldn't look as white if the edges didn't look so crappy.

If you look closely, you can see the careful placement of a hair grouping on the right side of the rim.  Everyone knows that good things always come in threes.  That goes for wishes, money, and body hairs of all types.

The best part is the avant-garde placement of the tank lid.  Most amateurs would just go with the normal, boring arrangement, but not these artists.  They did it Kris Kross style!  This unconventional twist makes me want to JUMP! JUMP! in there and get to work.

(read on for part deuce)

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Rust is a Must

Sometimes you want something so bad you just cant wait for it to take its natural time to happen.  These guys wanted a dirty, rusty bathroom quickly and they knew just how to do it.  They piped in a separate line to the urinal just to add some extra rusty water to the mix.  They also made sure to never, ever wipe down or clean anything, in any way.  You can see from the air freshener and hemorrhoid pads that they now enjoy long hours sitting and admiring their handy work.

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8th Wonder of the World?

 

Sometimes you are so proud of something that you have to show it to everybody.  That's the case with this pipe.  They have clearly put an effort into having the single dirtiest pipe known to man and they want it on display for the world to see.  Most people would have hidden such a pipe inside a wall, or behind a bucket, or maybe even cleaned it.  Not these guys.  They have pride.  We could learn a little something about self worth and personal responsibility from them.

They take such good care of it that they even made a small in-wall safe right beside it to keep their supplies for this miracle.  I don't know for certain but I assume that it contains everything somebody would need to make this wonder.

Imagined contents of wonder locker:

1. squirt bottle and sponges - moisture must be ensured at all times
2.  floor scrapings - if any part of the original pipe shows through the grime it must be patches immediately
3. absolutely no cleaning supplies of any kind - no explanation needed

If the above list is not true then I can only imagine what lies behind that locked door.  If its better than whats on the outside and is good enough to hide away then we can only hope one day those blessed keepers of the filth will bestow it on a grateful world.

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