It Aint Easy Being Green

This bathroom ensemble was obviously put together by someone who knew what they were doing.  It has everything a nice bathroom of this caliber should have in it. 

The first thing I noticed is the grimy mop bucket.  This lets you know that the floor was cleaned, at least once, at some point. 

In the same vein is the blue toilet cleaner and scrub brush.  They are put right out in front to assure you that either someone at least squirted it on the brush to look like they cleaned it or it got below freezing in this bathroom and the bottle burst.  They even splashed a little on the wall to make sure it catches your eye!  Brilliant!

The cute frog statue relaxing by the 80's air freshener is final touch.  You know you are in for a good time when a frog is willing to sit back and kick off his shoes.....

 

THAT FROG HAS NO FEET!

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Rust is a Must

Sometimes you want something so bad you just cant wait for it to take its natural time to happen.  These guys wanted a dirty, rusty bathroom quickly and they knew just how to do it.  They piped in a separate line to the urinal just to add some extra rusty water to the mix.  They also made sure to never, ever wipe down or clean anything, in any way.  You can see from the air freshener and hemorrhoid pads that they now enjoy long hours sitting and admiring their handy work.

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Hangup on Hookups

 

This manager knows that the best time to really get a message across is when someone is on the crapper.  You know its serious too, because they brought it down to your level by using street slang.  I am sure they really regret having to take down the previous sign with a clip art thumbs up that said "COOL JOB DUDES AND DUDETTES - YOU GUYS ARE REALLY ROCKING AROUND THE CLOCK!".

 
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Signs of a Concerned File Clerk

 

You know your employer really cares about your health when they go to the trouble of picking up a marker and an old, used manila folder, for your health.  Sure. they could have used a professional sign maker, or used correct punctuation, or connected all the lines in their letters like anybody who passed at least first grade, or even took the time to underline and entire word instead of just part of it, but that wouldn't have meant the same to you or to them.

They even took the time to tear the blue tape with their own jagged teeth instead of using scissors or regular scotch tape.  Next time you see a corporate sign at your place of work be sure to remember there are some people out there who still care about their employees, but not the ones who smoke. 

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Working On Your Car - QUICK TIP

QUICK TIP:

If you are working on your car and need to get rid of old battery acid or used oil just dump it in the nearest urinal.  It makes for some interesting patterns and makes people wonder if pee really can be art.

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Bathroom or Tropical Paradise? You Decide.

Some people just see a bathroom as a place to do your business and get the heck out as fast as you can.  Some people see it as a chance to build an breathtaking oasis with a resort-like feel.  This pictures show one of those attempts. 

See how the new and used toilet paper is strewn on the floor like seashells on a dirty bathroom floor colored beach?  Did you notice how the filthy brush and grimy brown ring around the toilet look eerily similar to a young boys fishing pole dangling in a tidal pool?  How about the subtle yellow tint of the water in the bowl exactly matching a late summer sunset? 

You may have not noticed those little details but I know you didn't miss the piece that ties it all together.  What a beautiful photo of a schooner at sail on the sea.  The owner must have known that they had a one-of-a-kind piece of art, because they left it in the plastic like an good collector would.  They even took the time to bend it in just the right places, so that it catches the light perfectly.  

If you look closely you can see they even added fake sea spray for that final touch of authenticity!

8th Wonder of the World?

 

Sometimes you are so proud of something that you have to show it to everybody.  That's the case with this pipe.  They have clearly put an effort into having the single dirtiest pipe known to man and they want it on display for the world to see.  Most people would have hidden such a pipe inside a wall, or behind a bucket, or maybe even cleaned it.  Not these guys.  They have pride.  We could learn a little something about self worth and personal responsibility from them.

They take such good care of it that they even made a small in-wall safe right beside it to keep their supplies for this miracle.  I don't know for certain but I assume that it contains everything somebody would need to make this wonder.

Imagined contents of wonder locker:

1. squirt bottle and sponges - moisture must be ensured at all times
2.  floor scrapings - if any part of the original pipe shows through the grime it must be patches immediately
3. absolutely no cleaning supplies of any kind - no explanation needed

If the above list is not true then I can only imagine what lies behind that locked door.  If its better than whats on the outside and is good enough to hide away then we can only hope one day those blessed keepers of the filth will bestow it on a grateful world.

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Brushes with Death

Its clear from these pictures that the janitor has a bad back and butter fingers.  A wise janit-person once told me "its not worth losing another finger to gangrene".  I still live by that today.  The important lesson to be learned is that you can always steal a new brush off the shelf instead of picking one up off the floor.  Eventually enough will pile up that they will compost and generate enough heat to catch fire.  That's means a day off work for you!  Problem solved with a cherry on top.

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Gold and Mold

 

This bathroom just goes to show that focusing on the little things really makes a difference.  Look at how nice the imitation gold and crystal faucet looks especially when it picks up the reflection of the stink ring around the dirty plunger.

The second and most ingenious installation here is the mirror/shelf/air freshener holder/mysterious box combo.  This is truly an innovation that most people would not have had the guts to install.  It makes you wonder what kind of treats lie inside this useful box.  Is it treasure?  Is it a portal to another world? Is it easy access to pull out dead animals that get stuck in the wall?  Or is does it contain video equipment to tape you while you pee?  

That's what makes it great, and is sure to keep the patrons coming back for more.

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The 2 C's of Customer Satisfaction - QUICK TIP

QUICK TIP:

Customers only care about 2 things:  crochet and condoms.

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Bathroom Maintenance 101

 Lots of good tips here on how to maintain and spruce up your bathroom.

Tip #1 - If something doesn't work then rip or kick it off the wall and hot glue a new (or heavily used) one back up.  Don't worry about the holes or missing wall paper.  Customers love the mystery of guessing what kind of bugs might be living in those little holes.

Tip #2 - If beavers, rats, roaches, or bats chew holes in the wall its an easy fix.  All you need is some old plywood that has been laying in the rain or even a piece of an old cooler where you keep your fish guts.  Screw it to the wall with rustiest screws you can find.  Everyone is going to love the risk of possibly having to get a tetanus shot and the ongoing threat of a mutant beaver roach attack mounting behind that loose piece of wood.  It makes a quick bathroom run into something exciting and dangerous!

Tip #3 - No place to store your cleaning utensil?  Grab a bottle of bleach or an old gas can previously used for huffing.  Carefully cut a hole leaving the handle for portability.  Breath a sigh of relief knowing that everything is in its place and looks great!

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Rags to Itches

Has anybody seen my good rag?  I usually keep it inside a 3 year old can of cabbage beside that dead turtle just inside the sewer grate.  I am afraid that it is gonna get ruined if I don't find it soon.

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Please Stay for Read of This and Don't Steal

Alternate signs that were considered:

Please make squat inside bowl, not for food.

Don't eating toilet jello, its for freshness. 

Bars are for bad legs and back not for swinging.

Please putting lid down after peeing all over.

Flowers are for dead ghost of poops already done.  Please respect.

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