Remember to wipe...the floor...kinda

Step 1: Misjudge the time and distance to the bathroom.
Step 2: Arrive seconds too early.
Step 3: Crap self, front of toilet, and surrounding floor.
Step 4: Pray no one is in the stall next to you.
Step 5: Say "Aww man, I can't believe I dropped the pudding that I bring with me to enjoy on the toilet" in case someone was in the next stall.
Step 6: Remember you have hand wipes in your pocket from the BBQ place earlier in the night.
Step 7: Make a mental note to never eat at aforementioned BBQ place.
Step 8: Reconsider BBQ place as long as you run faster next time. The ribs were pretty good.
Step 9: Realize that you have poop drying on the back of your legs.
Step 10: Use wipes to make a half-hearted attempt to clean up your mess.
Step 11: Throw wipe wrappers on the floor, seeing as its already covered in scat.
Step 12: Realize all you are doing is making it worse. Its like spreading crap frosting on a bathroom floor cake.
Step 13: Take a second to wonder how you managed to crap over a foot to the left of the toilet and underneath the outside of the bowl. Is it possible you poop defies the laws of physics?
Step 14: Hear the door open.
Step 15: Poop a little more. This time with the pants up, so it's all good.
Step 16: Bust open the stall door screaming that there is a doo-doo monster on the loose and everybody better run for their lives.
Step 17: Rest easy knowing that no one was any the wiser as to what happened thanks to your quick thinking and that 3rd shower.
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